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Wednesday, November 20, 2019

Quotes from Scott Adams ‘The Dilbert Principle’



Since I enjoyed reading ‘How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big’ & ‘Dilbert The Joy Of Work’, I thought it’s time to read ‘The Dilbert Principle’ too.


I liked the cover, it’s just wasn’t in a good condition. Anyway, that’s not a problem now that I have some good funny quotes to share from this book: 


"If you can come to peace with the fact that you're surrounded by idiots, you'll realize that resistance is futile, your tension will dissipate, and you can sit back and have a good laugh at the expense of others." ~~ Scott Adams (Book: The Dilbert Principle)



"You're only as important as your furniture. And that's at peak levels of dignity. Often you're less important than your furniture. If you think about it, you can get fired but your furniture stays behind, gainfully employed at the company that didn't need you anymore." ~~ Scott Adams (Book: The Dilbert Principle)



"Recognition programs send an important message, to all the employees in the group, not just the 'winners'. Specifically, the message is this: 'Here's another person we won't be downsized until after we nail you'. ~~ Scott Adams (Book: The Dilbert Principle)



"Employees like to feel that their contributions are being valued. That's why managers try to avoid that sort of thing. With value comes self-esteem and with self-esteem comes unreasonable requests for money." ~~ Scott Adams (Book: The Dilbert Principle)



"Remember, you can't be wrong unless you take a position. Don't fall into that trap." ~~ Scott Adams (Book: The Dilbert Principle)



"A Mission Statement is defined as a 'long awkward sentence that demonstrates management's inability to think clearly'. All good companies have one." ~~ Scott Adams (Book: The Dilbert Principle)




"Contrary to popular belief, it's often your clothing that get's promoted, not you. You reap some benefits by being the person inside the clothes. Always dress better than your peers, so your clothes will be the ones selected for promotions." ~~ Scott Adams (Book: The Dilbert Principle)



"Office supplies are an important part of your total compensation package. If God didn't want people to steal office supplies he wouldn't have given us briefcases, purses and pockets. In fact, no major religion specifically bans the pilfering of office supplies." ~~ Scott Adams (Book: The Dilbert Principle)




"Hardly any task can be done without first getting help from other people in the company. Luckily, you'll never get that help because the people are busy trying to get help from other people too. This situation is good news for everybody. Nobody does any real work and you can all blame woes on some worthless bastard in another department." ~~ Scott Adams (Book: The Dilbert Principle)




"Executives can get away with having a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like you're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your work space. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts." ~~ Scott Adams (Book: The Dilbert Principle)



"If the employees of your company are incompetent you might want to get some consultants. A consultant is a person who takes your money and annoys your employees while tirelessly searching for the way to extend the consulting contract." ~~ Scott Adams (Book: The Dilbert Principle)



"Sometimes normal people will try to use body language to end an encounter with an engineer. But engineers ignore body language because it is an imprecise science at best. For example, it's almost impossible to tell the difference between a comatose stare and an expression of interest." ~~ Scott Adams (Book: The Dilbert Principle)



"People hate change and with good reason. Change makes us stupider, relatively speaking. Change adds new information to the universe, information that we don't know. Our knowledge -- as a percentage of all the things that can be known --- goes down a tick every time something changes." ~~ Scott Adams (Book: The Dilbert Principle)



"Leadership is an intangible quality with no clear definition. That's probably a good thing, because of the people being led knew the definition, they would hunt down their leaders and kill them." ~~ Scott Adams (Book: The Dilbert Principle)




"Most people are creative by nature and happy by default. It doesn't seem that way because modern management is designed to squash those impulses." ~~ Scott Adams (Book: The Dilbert Principle)



Buy: Amazon

Hope you enjoyed reading this collection of funny quotes! 

 Happy Reading!